Saturday, November 22, 2008
2:10 AM /
0 comments
Ok, I know I rly shldnt be here now given the time.
Anw, just needed to rant.
Shooting comp was totally sucky. Seriously.
While the supid rifle was off by countless centimetres, I dun blame it. I srsly sucked. I could not estimate, I could not aim at the most probable spot (th body).
Damn, wht has come over me?! And just like tht the unit's score is going down. way down. Sorry guys, I really am.
I guess you're right: "We keep learning and hope tht tomorrow, we will nt make the same mistake agn. But sometimes, tomorrow dosent make a difference." I know wtv i say nw is useless so I dun rly blame you if you guys are pissed w me or anything. I accept.
Sleep is impt! Complacency is your enemy! I.hate.myself.period.
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Chatted w hasif on the mrt (aft he gt on and caught me unglam-ly sleeping, which is beside the point tyvm). Family before self was wht he practised, tht dawned upon me. While I wont reveal wht he did, I think it rly shames me.
Like wth, over th years, I was too obsessed with grades and impressions and all tht. It all boils down to one thing: face.
I didnt mind churning out reports and skipping family outings.
I didnt mind skipping family dinners for duties and bbqs w friends.
I didnt mind returning to sch and nt hving meals with my family.
I didnt mind doing all those proposals and nt helping my family w stuff they needed my help in.
I didnt mind getting that piece of work done and nt being respectful to them. (yes, i shouted at them at times)
Like wth, all these time, I hve been doing all that for recognition, for face, to make other ppl happy. Bt thru it all, I have sacrificed my family. They were th ones who stayed up late to help me w powerpoints and models in pri sch. They were the ones who stayed up till 6am to send me to usa at the airport. They were the ones who moved the stuff when we moved house (while I was doing sch stuff). The monster I've become.
I just hate myself for this. The sudden revelation rly caught me. Forget it, from now on, family first! Sch stuff and all that, you shall wait. I wont entirely forsake sch stuff, bt if there are family commitments, sry to say, I'll nt entertain you. Like it or not, I have made up my mind. I have gone wrong for 15 years, and I dont want it to carry on any further.
SORRY. For my bad attitude, my lack of prioritisation, my lack of respect, my selfishness.
I.hate.myself.period.
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Hotmail, I hate you! Of all times to screw up, you had to do so now. Great, win liao lor. Now my COLLATED survey results are stuck w u and i cant access. Damn you, deadline's today leh! Here I come, Gmail!
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Let's not make empty promises. You agreed but in the end you dun make it. Maybe I'm just a spoilt brat who expects everyone to give in to me.
Bt when u apologised profusely th other day, it didnt rly make sense to me as to why you were apologising. Bt nw, I realise wht u meant.
Bt i dun rly blame you either; it is a difficult period for you and I shld be supporting you eh?
Yeah i guess tht is wht i shld be doing instead of blaming you. Bt I rly need to talk. I rly do. I was hoping you'd talk tday. Bt i guess you got carried away. Bt it's ok, friendships are abt giving and taking I guess. Oh how simplistic. Bt I wont mind.
I rly hope you'll get over it soon.
I rly need to talk. I rly need to.
I rly dun want to bottle it all to myself.
I rly dun want to be disappointed agn.
Anw, just needed to rant.
Shooting comp was totally sucky. Seriously.
While the supid rifle was off by countless centimetres, I dun blame it. I srsly sucked. I could not estimate, I could not aim at the most probable spot (th body).
Damn, wht has come over me?! And just like tht the unit's score is going down. way down. Sorry guys, I really am.
I guess you're right: "We keep learning and hope tht tomorrow, we will nt make the same mistake agn. But sometimes, tomorrow dosent make a difference." I know wtv i say nw is useless so I dun rly blame you if you guys are pissed w me or anything. I accept.
Sleep is impt! Complacency is your enemy! I.hate.myself.period.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chatted w hasif on the mrt (aft he gt on and caught me unglam-ly sleeping, which is beside the point tyvm). Family before self was wht he practised, tht dawned upon me. While I wont reveal wht he did, I think it rly shames me.
Like wth, over th years, I was too obsessed with grades and impressions and all tht. It all boils down to one thing: face.
I didnt mind churning out reports and skipping family outings.
I didnt mind skipping family dinners for duties and bbqs w friends.
I didnt mind returning to sch and nt hving meals with my family.
I didnt mind doing all those proposals and nt helping my family w stuff they needed my help in.
I didnt mind getting that piece of work done and nt being respectful to them. (yes, i shouted at them at times)
Like wth, all these time, I hve been doing all that for recognition, for face, to make other ppl happy. Bt thru it all, I have sacrificed my family. They were th ones who stayed up late to help me w powerpoints and models in pri sch. They were the ones who stayed up till 6am to send me to usa at the airport. They were the ones who moved the stuff when we moved house (while I was doing sch stuff). The monster I've become.
I just hate myself for this. The sudden revelation rly caught me. Forget it, from now on, family first! Sch stuff and all that, you shall wait. I wont entirely forsake sch stuff, bt if there are family commitments, sry to say, I'll nt entertain you. Like it or not, I have made up my mind. I have gone wrong for 15 years, and I dont want it to carry on any further.
SORRY. For my bad attitude, my lack of prioritisation, my lack of respect, my selfishness.
I.hate.myself.period.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hotmail, I hate you! Of all times to screw up, you had to do so now. Great, win liao lor. Now my COLLATED survey results are stuck w u and i cant access. Damn you, deadline's today leh! Here I come, Gmail!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's not make empty promises. You agreed but in the end you dun make it. Maybe I'm just a spoilt brat who expects everyone to give in to me.
Bt when u apologised profusely th other day, it didnt rly make sense to me as to why you were apologising. Bt nw, I realise wht u meant.
Bt i dun rly blame you either; it is a difficult period for you and I shld be supporting you eh?
Yeah i guess tht is wht i shld be doing instead of blaming you. Bt I rly need to talk. I rly do. I was hoping you'd talk tday. Bt i guess you got carried away. Bt it's ok, friendships are abt giving and taking I guess. Oh how simplistic. Bt I wont mind.
I rly hope you'll get over it soon.
I rly need to talk. I rly need to.
I rly dun want to bottle it all to myself.
I rly dun want to be disappointed agn.