Wednesday, October 22, 2008
10:36 PM /
0 comments
Here's your last chance. Take it or leave it.
To be honest, the past 5 months havent been easy at all.
It was lousy to start off with. & it's just getting worst.
Yes, I may appear to be optimistic and all tht bt honestly, i hate doing wht i do.
When no one listens to you, no one respects you, no one cares abt you, the feeling sucks.
Yes, sucks. BIG TIME.
I wouldnt mind less qualifications for the future. And this is the first time I say this.
To be honest, I'd rather give it up all and return to what I was. I might have been miserable, bt at least it wld be less painful than this.
I thank you for supporting me in all (you and some) decisions bt i guess I might wnna let you down. It's either now or I endure a while more and get it over and done with.
When freedom is mine, I'd make a run for it and banish all these bad memories. It's been torturous, stressful and tiring.
Why cant you all wake up?! Do you not care?! Think about others who are striving so hard! Think abt what ppl would think of me! It dosent seem to work and I honestly dislike doing this.
I'd rather just end it all and return to my normal life. I'd rather shout it all out in your face and return to my normal life. I dun want it to end here, bt if tht's wht u guys are gnna do, it's a matter of time. FACE IT.
Those are merely labels. Labels of supposed glamour. Labels of supposed respect. Labels of suppossed capability. Bt to me, they are just labels of torture. Labels of humiliation. Labels that would one day drive me crazy. I'd leave this thing and leave for another place (nt suicidal) where I can just be who I want to be. I'm prepared to pack my bags and banish all memories I ever had of these.
One of these days, I'll pop a bottle of exquisite champagne and celebrate my new found freedom. One I will treasure and hang on to tightly. I'll choose wisely and nt let history repeat itself.
I need to talk to you as much as you need to talk to me. Saturday, hurry!
A place to shout it all out, where I shan't be humiliated or afraid. A place where I truly can enjoy myself.
To be honest, the past 5 months havent been easy at all.
It was lousy to start off with. & it's just getting worst.
Yes, I may appear to be optimistic and all tht bt honestly, i hate doing wht i do.
When no one listens to you, no one respects you, no one cares abt you, the feeling sucks.
Yes, sucks. BIG TIME.
I wouldnt mind less qualifications for the future. And this is the first time I say this.
To be honest, I'd rather give it up all and return to what I was. I might have been miserable, bt at least it wld be less painful than this.
I thank you for supporting me in all (you and some) decisions bt i guess I might wnna let you down. It's either now or I endure a while more and get it over and done with.
When freedom is mine, I'd make a run for it and banish all these bad memories. It's been torturous, stressful and tiring.
Why cant you all wake up?! Do you not care?! Think about others who are striving so hard! Think abt what ppl would think of me! It dosent seem to work and I honestly dislike doing this.
I'd rather just end it all and return to my normal life. I'd rather shout it all out in your face and return to my normal life. I dun want it to end here, bt if tht's wht u guys are gnna do, it's a matter of time. FACE IT.
Those are merely labels. Labels of supposed glamour. Labels of supposed respect. Labels of suppossed capability. Bt to me, they are just labels of torture. Labels of humiliation. Labels that would one day drive me crazy. I'd leave this thing and leave for another place (nt suicidal) where I can just be who I want to be. I'm prepared to pack my bags and banish all memories I ever had of these.
One of these days, I'll pop a bottle of exquisite champagne and celebrate my new found freedom. One I will treasure and hang on to tightly. I'll choose wisely and nt let history repeat itself.
I need to talk to you as much as you need to talk to me. Saturday, hurry!
A place to shout it all out, where I shan't be humiliated or afraid. A place where I truly can enjoy myself.
Friday, October 17, 2008
8:05 PM /
0 comments
Now I see the problem.
It was all my fault. I was so selfish... I only cared about myself and my sch commitments. I did not make time for them. I did nt bother to comfort, listen to or even make them feel cherished.
I was too egoistic to make them feel comfortable around me. Face, face face. That's all I cared about.
I wasnt thoughtful. They probably sufferred with me.
I was making empty promises. I probably disappointed them one time too many.
To think all along I thought it was their (or at least one of them) fault, when the fault lies with me.
All this time I have been making time, for studies, for PA, for sch, for NCC, for SC and so on, I've neglected them. How hurt they must have been.
I aint deserving of them nor the care they showered on me.
I must correct this before more get hurt and before I go around hurting more... I hate myself for who I am...
Others could do a way better job than me. What's wrong with me?! I was a failure, a complete failure.
Hearing of recollections and cherished memories from others rly hurt me: every picture, every word, every emotion.
It was all my fault. I was so selfish... I only cared about myself and my sch commitments. I did not make time for them. I did nt bother to comfort, listen to or even make them feel cherished.
I was too egoistic to make them feel comfortable around me. Face, face face. That's all I cared about.
I wasnt thoughtful. They probably sufferred with me.
I was making empty promises. I probably disappointed them one time too many.
To think all along I thought it was their (or at least one of them) fault, when the fault lies with me.
All this time I have been making time, for studies, for PA, for sch, for NCC, for SC and so on, I've neglected them. How hurt they must have been.
I aint deserving of them nor the care they showered on me.
I must correct this before more get hurt and before I go around hurting more... I hate myself for who I am...
Others could do a way better job than me. What's wrong with me?! I was a failure, a complete failure.
Hearing of recollections and cherished memories from others rly hurt me: every picture, every word, every emotion.
6:18 PM /
0 comments
Dead.Dead.Dead. Not for this blog.
Yeah, i'm back aft the EOY season (like finally). *sense of liberation*
Ahaha, so yeah, say bye to suffocating books and piling notes and hi to bowling, starbucks, tennis etc. Shall round up for EOYs here.
LA Paper 1: Screwed. Exposition screwed. Letter writing almost screwed. Stingy use of rhetorics and imagery.
HCL Paper 1: Quite alright, bt uber naggy (cuz thr was so much time). 3 pages si1 han2 and 4 pages zuo4 wen2.
SCS Paper: Quite alright. Chiong-ed th first SBQ in 10 minutes, happily thinking i can relax. Only to spend 30 mins on second SBQ. Paaathetic.
Math Paper 1: Screwed Coordinate Geometry. As usual... cant see to get it. Pfft.
Geography Paper: Quite alright, given tht it was 2hr 15mins.. Wrote till my hand ached badly. And kiasu me cramped all the meander information to explain ox-box lake, only to find out tht meanders are the next qn. Copy & paste lo.
LA Paper 2: Relatively easy... considering she set it.
HCL Paper 2: I actually managed to finish th paper *claps*
Chemistry Paper: Relatively easy compared to past papers.
Physics Paper: They decided to be nice and set an easier paper. Like finally... *applauses*
Biomed Paper: Quite alright... was nearly dozing off cuz i ws rly sleepy.
Math Paper 2: Screwed.. I didnt study sine and cosine rule cuz mr tan said bearings nt tested and i stupidly assumed the whole trigo 4 was nt tested. And yes, I dumb enough nt to recognise th formula in the formula list. Trigo proving was easy... wasted so much time studying for it. Pfft.
CID: Ahaha.. chiminology. Bt manageable.
Yeah, i'm back aft the EOY season (like finally). *sense of liberation*
Ahaha, so yeah, say bye to suffocating books and piling notes and hi to bowling, starbucks, tennis etc. Shall round up for EOYs here.
LA Paper 1: Screwed. Exposition screwed. Letter writing almost screwed. Stingy use of rhetorics and imagery.
HCL Paper 1: Quite alright, bt uber naggy (cuz thr was so much time). 3 pages si1 han2 and 4 pages zuo4 wen2.
SCS Paper: Quite alright. Chiong-ed th first SBQ in 10 minutes, happily thinking i can relax. Only to spend 30 mins on second SBQ. Paaathetic.
Math Paper 1: Screwed Coordinate Geometry. As usual... cant see to get it. Pfft.
Geography Paper: Quite alright, given tht it was 2hr 15mins.. Wrote till my hand ached badly. And kiasu me cramped all the meander information to explain ox-box lake, only to find out tht meanders are the next qn. Copy & paste lo.
LA Paper 2: Relatively easy... considering she set it.
HCL Paper 2: I actually managed to finish th paper *claps*
Chemistry Paper: Relatively easy compared to past papers.
Physics Paper: They decided to be nice and set an easier paper. Like finally... *applauses*
Biomed Paper: Quite alright... was nearly dozing off cuz i ws rly sleepy.
Math Paper 2: Screwed.. I didnt study sine and cosine rule cuz mr tan said bearings nt tested and i stupidly assumed the whole trigo 4 was nt tested. And yes, I dumb enough nt to recognise th formula in the formula list. Trigo proving was easy... wasted so much time studying for it. Pfft.
CID: Ahaha.. chiminology. Bt manageable.